Hospital Log Day 5

Day 5. 6^th day since admittance.

Woke to no blood tests, pressure or fasting. Went hunting for lost breakfast. Found it.

After breakfast blood pressure results show 131/98 (average normal bp is 120/80)

A significant decrease.

Visit from Dr. Murtagh.

Summary:

The blood tests and urine samples have come back negative so far are being sent to St. James in Dublin for further analysis, 6-8 weeks away.

I'm being released but will come back late next week for a 2 hour blood pressure monitor to ensure the drugs are working.

I will be on blood pressure meds, currently Konverge, for the rest of my, now shorter, life.

The meds will not have full affect until around a months time. Konverge is as new and efficient as it is expensive.

I think I can drink, yet will probably lay off for a week or so.

Had my last blood test.

So that's it then for the moment. I the monitor next week and the results from Dublin that may illuminate one of the two remaining reasons for my 'discrepancy'. Hospital stay was long and near maddening and has only thrown up false leads. Every test agreed that I was in perfect health. My only gain has been a higher susceptibility to cancer, bruised arms and a new and expensive monthly drain on funds.

I realise it wasn't a total waste of time but it's hard not to view this first outcome in a negative light. At least I now hopefully won't suddenly drop dead while cycling, drinking or shouting at things due to vessel rupture in my brain.

The cause of such high, and apparently stroke inducing, blood pressure remains, for now, unknown.

Hopital Log 5, Day 4

Day 4, 5 days since admission.

One thing that really annoys me are name tags. On men, fine. On women not.

Woke up today to usual blood pressure test. Slightly lower. Glad I didn't have to fast.

I have to fast. For that ultrasound that I should have gotten yesterday. Fast includes water. Refused breakfast and lunch to sympathetic looks from the catering staff.

Waiting for ultrasound. In the meantime Dr. Murtagh came to tell me that tests had so far come up negative. Nothing unusual. She's very confident I'll be out today!

New drug today, Konverge. Nothing so far has been massively effective. Never seen readings drop to any where near normal.

Blood tests are late. I've gained a sort of morbid interest in the different styles of the nurses. So far the male nurses are the least competent. Especially those wearing surgical scrubs. A worrying trend.

Younger man went of for his date with a colonoscopy and an oral one. Hopefully not in that order. Both were on laxatives all last night. Great fun had by all. Was kind of like the roisin.

Two more urine tests for some reason.

Older man went off to meet his fate. Younger man back. Sings the praises of anaesthetic.

Blood test. Grand. Not fantastic technique, may have pierced vein on other side. Developing localised bruising, ever concentrating.

Very thirsty.

Had ultrasound. Very slimy. Took a while. Brief moment of panic when pants were yanked down to do bladder. Disconcerting when lying on a table half-naked and covered in frogspawn. Attending technician discerned no obvious anomalies, results being sent for analysis.

Micheal has moved on to vomiting and wretching noises.

Joe came to visit! To the annoyance of some staff and patients most likely. Procured double set of tea and biscuits from awesome caterer. Blood test the second, for some reason. Mirth and merriment while I waited to hear whether I'm being released.

Not being released. Blood tests were late enough to not be examined so I'm here another night. Bullcrap. Am going insane. In the slow wasting fashion.

Continued incarceration makes for unfunny (or fewer attempts to be so) posts. Have worked out another reason hospitals piss me off. You're only social contact comes from quick conversations with doctors, visitors, or develop from small talk with other patients. Friends are, in a fashion, chosen for you, like boarding school. Unlike boarding school, they are transient at best. In the room tonight are only the vomiting man (who's grand, just not health-wise ) and myself. I think the count is up to nine people I've seen passing through this one room.

Un-tactful family member apologised for not visiting, as Dublin is far away and Galway is difficult to get to for Dubs who aren't Meg. Sligo however is much closer and a better weekend destination.

Bored, from now on am ticking every box on the menu and seeing what they give me.

Also my collection of plastic vials is coming along nicely.

Hospital Log Day 3

Day. 3. Still not dead from drug overdose!

Woke being prodded for a blood pressure reading. First morning that I'm not fasting or confined to bed until a blood test.

Have a blood test. I suspect more due to tradition than anything else. Sniper Nurse absent. Have had five or six blood tests and only two hole marks in arm. Ability of half milimetre square patch of skin to heal very impressive. It'll leave a very unimpressive scar.

Was adventurous at breakfast. Had muslei and orange rather than Special K and fruit segments. Blood pressure reading rose due to excitement.

Doctor Murtagh came to visit to give CT results. All is well in my right Renal Artery. No camera-on-a-stick for me. Not so soon anyway. At the low low price of four years worth of radiation. She proclaims a release date of Saturday, if my blood is under control.

Very unexciting day ahead. Liver ultrasound tomorrow. Distinct sense of grasping at straws. Reason is an abnormally high breakdown product of haemoglobin in the liver.

Meg came to visit again before going home. Brought the blessings of the Hastings with her. In good form. Very little sympathy. This hospital bullcrap would be easier to bear if I was actually in some degree of pain. Just a little bit of course.

Finished my urine collection! Can use the toilet for the first time in three days. Also used shower. Shower is a power-washer cunningly disguised.

Three new room-mates. Brings the total to eight I think. One vomiting a lot, back from lands distant. Balls.

Two needing copious amounts of laxative for colonoscopy. Well there's something else I can be glad of not having to do.

Am climbing the walls. Really need to go for a run or swim or something. This cannula is really pissing me off today for no apparent reason. Negotiating its' removal, have asked for stick to bite on so I can do it myself. Didn't go down well.

The darkness comes. Think the rad is fixed. Streetlight still broken. This bed more high tech than last bed. Has flashier buttons.

Not responding to meds. Now on three at once. Omassar, Rustin and Aldactone. New one tomorrow.

Vomiting man is particularly nervous.

Have started collecting tablet plastic container things. Will play where's the tablet with the nurses. The containers are transparent. Ensuing confusion during transfer to bed with straps may provide escape opportunity.

Had long chat with room-mates. One is a valium addict the other works for a stint company. Both fun people. Vomiting gut is about my age with a Munster shirt.

Might be time to tell doctor about that time I almost got the bends while diving.

Hospital Log Day 2 (Admission Day 3)

Day two with apparently no end in sight, I'm not leaving via the front door with this cannula in my arm and my window features a two story drop onto gravel so I'm sticking this one out it seems.

Woken at eight my Polish nurse with German efficiency and a snipers touch. Have never had faster blood test. Told me she likes this. Required to stand up for an hour afterwards to put max pressure on kidneys. Blood pressure test and follow up bloods cost my Special K their structural integrity.

Finally finished first 24hr urine collection. Goodbye foul smelling catacholamine mixture hello slightly less foul smelling plain container. Accuracy increased tenfold since beginning.

New inmate. Brisk business-like and cheery. Lots of sports t-shirts. Family of skinny young blond kids. Has a hernia. Try running with that. My cat didn't. NOW IT'S DEAD (several years later). RIP Scrappy Whitepaws Pouncer, which is still better than what Liz was still naming things at that age. Half the fish in the pond were either whitey or goldy. Non monochrome animals confuse her still.

The Transient still here. Loving or at least attentive wife. Likely the former.

New elderly man in Old Haggards bed. New Haggard then. Seems livelier, knows how to use the tv.

Micheal not heard from since this morning. Someone else got to him first.

New Blood Pressure drug, onto stronger Rustin from Zanidip.

CT scan involves upright ring object, two nurses who "have dealt with [my] type before", an interesting dye and 10 millisieverts of radiation. That's just over 4 years of background radiation all at once. Pointed at my kidneys. Lets hope only one of them goes.

The nurses continued Sniper Nurses standard of being very good at their job and answered everything I asked.

The dye was a unique experience. Not at all painful but you could feel it spreading and with it a great warmth. Before injecting it nurse informed me "It will feel like you wet yourself". I thought about asking her to hold the bottle but decided against it.

In any case the waitng for it took longer than the test itself and there wasn't any Il Divo so apart from the added CANCER risk it wasn't so bad. This combined with this mornings bloods determine the need for a camera-and-inflatable-bag-on-a-stick procedure through my femoral artery into the renal artery. Both Mum and Dad have had these into the heart. Mum insisted on watching, Dad was not allowed. Both survived. Still. Eurgh.

Before I forget, nurse who x-rayed my chest on Monday instantly recognised the Flirt FM shirt. A housemate of Louises! Informed her of co-host Joes' single status. She lost interest at the ginger part. (Didn't actually happen, Joes' identity is confidential).

Back late from CT scan so missed starter at lunch. Had it after chocolate mandarin gateau instead. Balance in all things. Though food is insufficient bribery for stick cameras.

New blood pressure tablet, Eldactone. Sounds like it'll work. That makes theree different types in 36 hours. Have Niamhs' drug immunity when it comes to this. May have been hint of 'I was right' when told by Dr. Murtagh. Hint of differing views between her and hypertension specialist Neary?

Had visitors! Parents arrived first, (Mum needed Calcium drip as she refuses to chew tablet, walked into old Oncology ward and recognised all current patients and staff. Like watching chieftan hold court). In good form. Had sympathy eclair and biscuit thing. New pyjamas and shower stuff.No longer smell like I usually do. Now smell floral.

Meg arrived next. Has trippy new t-shirt. Usual blend of competent tact and godawful or non-existent attempts at subtlety and lack of indoor voice. Had long chat and tried out very large out-door chess set. Pieces are solid, dark wood, heavy enough to deny most patients their use. Also croquet set and Hippocratic Oath read-out. Missed her. She's staying with underworked and overpaid (well done) Hastings lad (who loves hugs, always hug him) tonight so if she reads the last I'll not hear the end of it tomorrow. Left a National Geographic on the origins of religion. Will offer to lend it to chapel downstairs.

Speaking of which the Roman Catholics get a daily visit from one of theirs. Must be an interesting job in a hospital. They've never smiled.

Was told off by high up Nurse-Matron for walking around with no socks or shoes. Notice I fail to mention her skin colour that is Robins job. Put on Mum-bought Dunnes sandals.

Still refusing to lie in bed unless absolutely necessary.

Eldactone: complete failure. New blood pressure tablet Quasar or something, will be having it later. That's FOUR different types in 36 hours. It's not the sickness that'll get me it's the cure. (Joe, is that close to a song title of something?).

Vague feelings of wooziness. I WONDER WHY.

No CT results yet.

Continued amazement at blood pressure. Tired of being called "unusual", "special" and "serious" case. Almost visible flinch when I remind people of how much exercise and alcohol I've been at.

Wonder if I'm fasting and having bloods again tomorrow morning.

New dressing gown is old man dressing gown. Has vertical maroon stripes od baby blue.

Guy beside me on 10mg Warfrin. Awesome name.

Hospitals are not sociable places.

Hospital Log Day 1

Day 1

The hospital doubles as a sauna at night and adjusting the radiator only changes the volume of the snakes.

Again nurses are consistently amazed by my lack of headache and insist I have been prescribed paracetamol for it. It's possible that if I fed them to some of my room-mates the reactions between them and their other drugs may give some indication of their medication, but with The Transient and the White Wisp being released today The Haggard Mans condition seems tenuous enough as it is.

My suggestion that leaches would rid me of excess blood, thus decreasing blood pressure, did not go down well.

Woke this morning to a blood pressure reading and then an MRI scan. My first experience having my protons aligned and I was not so much claustrophobic as I was desperate to be rid of Il Divo, though I suspect the headphones are more to shut out noise than provide vocals to the MRIs thumps and cracks. Everytime it cycled it sounded like Daft Punk with dementia. Also, who can hold their breath for 45 seconds with 'El Diablo' (or something) screaming in your ear (on repeat) and a building sounding like it's about to collapse. Picture Half Lifes resonance cascade and Watchmens Doctor Manhattans origin story in a drainage pipe. For twenty minutes. (With a less impressive light show),

Back in the ward I was told I was supposed to stay in bed for a blood test at 8 o'clock. Dr. Murtagh not pleased. Had blood test anyway out of spite. Refrained from slagging green scrubbed man about being beaten by radiology, he had all the pointy things. He took two attempts to find a vein anyway. Nice guy though. Ignoring the permanent plastic needle thing on (in) arm, (plastic so the MRI didn't annihalate it). It gets left in 'just in case'.

Have decided Nurse Sharon is good people. Helped me break my radiator. Says she will get an engineer if I want it broken more.

No longer trepadacious over blood tests.

Radiator requires further breaking. It may actually already be broken. Engineer gone home. New reason for prejudice. Damn engineers.

Back to two room-mates. Man came in and was rushed to have an angeogram. No nickname yet. If I can see him walking I might be able to figure out what they were looking at. Heart problems. Same as Mum had. Though he hasn't actually had an attack I think.

Moved to other side of room away from arch nemesis. Much cooler over here and better view of the road. So, yay.

Hyper tension specialist came and molested me for a bit and then conversed about the current number one possibility, a narrow renal artery. Won't go into full detail, it's to do with the production of renin and ensuing reaction pathway. CT scan tomorrow, if the artery is just wobbly then it's on to the next idea, if not, angeogram time. Even better than morning blood test with enthusiastic but not overly confidence inspiring murse-with-a-needle. Am purposefully not researching.

This stool is trying to murder me.

The ward has a new resident, I can hear him from here. His favourite word is NURSE and his name is Micheal. If Micheal keeps this up tonight he's getting all my spare paracetamol.

Also, am off alcohol until blood pressure behaves. Apparently have been stroke risk for past year. Listening to the nurses pulling the night shift talk their nights on the pull not helping the homicidal urges. Damn (ex) med students.

Micheals nurse has more patience then I have capacity to winge.

Forgot to listen to show on Flirt. Annoyed.

Getting visit from the parents (new pants!) and Meg tomorrow. Yay sympathy visits!

Off to bed to get up early for blood withdrawl and irradiation. Thinking comforting thoughts. Danny falling down stairs.

Mysterious Illness Mk2

Hospital Log, Day 0, Monday 30/05/11, 9pm

The evening, after a consultancy with the likable Dr. Murtagh, who immediately decided I needed a bed as soon as possible, was sent for an ECG with Jane the enthusiastic Filipeno nurse. Was slippery-ed up and prodded. One more thing off my to do list and something to enspire envy in Joe.

My four room-mates are united by a common theme, they are each at least fifty years older than I. I have begun Person Observation Game 3, illness investigation.

The White Wisp is directly opposite me, favours maroon pyjamas with blue checks and is agile enough to bend over his bed from the opposite side and successfully pore water from a jug into a plastic cup. Overheard a nurse ask him about blurred vision yet he reads the newspaper avidly, the right way up, and watches the small, aperture supported tv screen from approximately 2.5 – 3 metres away. Albeit with his headphones on the wrong way around. (The headphones are, surprisingly, Logitech.) Seems pleasant.

The Haggard Man is ensconced diagonally across the room from me. He is decorated with maroon pyjamas with vertical white stripes. He moves slowly with a walking stick, talks in a low raspy voice and is spoken to by two less elderly women (wife and daughter?) in the standard condescending concerned relative tone. He coughs infrequently and periodically asked to use a nephelometer that will supposedly help to 'clear out his lungs'. He is forbidden from lone toileting. Seems pleasant.

The Transient is forceful and loud, both in voice and tv volume. He is the youngest of the three and informed imperiously in passing when commandeering the Haggard Mans communal closet space that he'll only be here a night. We three others find the floor and chairs to be ample storage space.

In the top-floor cafe (that stays open until 9pm) there works a crazy Eastern European who delights in the beauty of the view from his height and discusses with his overly but calmingly bubbly female co-worker where the best place will (WILL) be to wait out the impending flood. The cafe itself is standardly overpriced and a credit to weird misshapen coconut and jam baked thing purveyors everywhere.

Have surmised that the terrifyingly loud, blinking red, motion activated paper towel dispenser in the communal bathroom is likely to be used for drying hands. The inconspicuous toilet roll below it is likely used to fuction as toilet roll. Noted for future reference.

For the next two days I shall be relieving myself into a square, graduated, brown jug containing an as yet unknown acid. Have decided against attempting to construct a rudimentary chemical analysis kit.

Will be fasting until morning blood test, at eight o'clock. Decided that a semi permanent needle entry point would clash with my hospital bracelet so will attempt to avoid one.

Have figured out how to turn down the radiator (which is full of angry snakes), and open the window.

Hospital staff seem intent on giving me chicken tandoori sandwiches, have had three so far. The meal person was surprised when I didn't want dinner. Wonder how much tea I would have to drink for the caffeine to start interfering with the tests.

The street light outside my (groundfloor with a two story drop) room obligingly doesn't work properly. I would be unlikely to come away from the fall without a broken ankle. This may be intentional.

Am getting good at palming urine samples to conceal them en route from toilet.

Am on Zanidip to bring down blood pressure, already on double dose as they're not working.

Have learned that those floating figures made of transparent rods and circles that dance in front of my eyes are not in fact normal. Have an eye review test tomorrow. Will frighten nurse with them.

Radiator not responding as expected to twisting of its nob (damn it Niamh) beginning to expect a ruse.

Nurses consistently surprised by high blood pressure and rugged handsomeness.

Edited Phillipeno to Filipeno, ENTIRELY different meaning.